FAMILY VACATIONS

During a recent appearance on the “San Diego Living” TV Program, Certified Family Law Specialist Garrison “Bud” Klueck joined Psychologist Dr. Keith Kanner to share some insights on the emotional and legal aspects of Family Vacations, and how parents should go about planning for them.

QUESTION: Our Certified Family Law Specialist Bud Klueck has some thoughts about family vacations from a legal point of view. Bud, what insights do you have for us?

ATTORNEY KLUECK’S ANSWER: There are 4 Main Points I want parents to consider. Number 1 – Get started with planning early; Number 2 – Don’t sort out the details of the trip until you are certain the legalities have been arranged; Number 3 – Be Specific; and Number 4 – Practice and expect cooperation from the other parent but get your understandings formalized in writing. Don’t put yourself in the position where your having a successful vacation depends on getting the late-in-the-day cooperation of your co-parent, because you might not get it. In which case, and I’m going to use a technical, legal term here - you’re “screwed”.

QUESTION: “You’re screwed”. That’s a technical, legal term?

ATTORNEY KLUECK’S ANSWER: Yes, I can say it in Latin if you like.

QUESTION: That won’t be necessary. But back to your four points to remember. The first one was to “get started early”, is now too early to start working on family vacations?

ATTORNEY KLUECK’S ANSWER: No, it is a good time. For Dr. Kanner and myself this is a good time to discuss this topic because the first day of Spring was just last week. It is time to start thinking about summer vacation. In many post-divorce families sharing minor children, the court orders very often say that either parent may take the children on two weeks of non-consecutive vacations. That is the usual starting point coming out of the child-custody mediation at court. The point is, according to child development theory, a longer-than-one-week absence from the other parent is not good for the child. That is the general approach. But parents usually have a sense of what their particular child can tolerate. Parents sometimes can negotiate longer vacations than just one week--but two, non-consecutive one-week vacations with each parent is the usual starting point. And the court-orders usually specify that vacation time trumps or takes precedence over the usual court-ordered child sharing plan.

QUESTION: Once you have the length of the vacation fixed, what is the next step?

ATTORNEY KLUECK’S ANSWER: Communicating in writing, with great specificity, what the vacation plans are. What are the ideal dates to take your vacation? However, do not, unless there are external considerations demanding that you have those specific dates, don't fixate on those exact dates yet. Retain some flexibility because there may be considerations, coming from your co-parent that you don't know about yet. An ideal example of date requirements coming from the outside would be family reunions. If tens or hundreds of your children's relatives are meeting in Missouri, over the second weekend in July, you obviously don't have a lot of flexibility. But understand that your co-parent may also have those kinds of outside pressures as well. Those things go both ways. If you seek flexibility, be prepared to give flexibility. You cannot ordinarily change the weekend of the nation-wide family reunion but you can possibly change the dates for the trip to the Grand Canyon. The Grand Canyon will still be there and still be just as spectacular a couple of weeks later.

QUESTION: What if you send your proposed dates and your co-parent doesn’t respond - Yes or No? How can you make plans?

ATTORNEY KLUECK’S ANSWER: Excellent question, because that does happen. What the parent should do is what the lawyers do. That is, in the writing to the other parent, write that they have two weeks to suggest any problems with the specified dates after a certain date, typically two weeks from the sending of the letter or e-mail, or else the dates will be considered accepted. Silence, for more than the specified time--usually two weeks--will constitute acceptance. Silence means acceptance--that the dates are OK. That is the way around the no-response problem.

QUESTION: After your vacation dates are set up, what is the next step?

ATTORNEY KLUECK’S ANSWER: Well that is the time that is apparently safe to buy those non-refundable airline tickets and to book the hotels or motels. The horrible problem is that always the opposite occurs. That is, people book the tickets before clearing the dates with their co-parent, sometimes because they dread dealing their ex-spouse who caused them heartache and aggravation during their marriage. But you’ve got to do it. Or get someone else to do it. Although it is a little weird to bring attorneys into discussions of vacation planning, believe me, it is not unprecedented. We have done it. One way or another this negotiation of dates has got to take place--before the tickets get bought or the reservations get made.

QUESTION: What was your third point again?

ATTORNEY KLUECK’S ANSWER: In your writing, be specific. When you are dealing with people who used to be married to one another, any ambiguity or area of possible confusion can potentially cause problems. Specificity is the antidote to these problems. Don't just say "the second week of July, but specify Sunday, July 7th at 6 am to Saturday, July 13th at 5 pm. Be specific as to dates, times and child exchange details. The more specific you are the more you can protect yourself against down-the-line problems. Those down-the-line problems can be very irritating and potentially expensive with possibly having to cancel non-refundable tickets or reservations and, maybe even attorney’s fees if you go to court to straighten out the whole mess.

QUESTION: You also had a point about flexibility, what was it?

ATTORNEY KLUECK’S ANSWER: Co-parents should expect flexibility and give flexibility. But your expectation of flexibility should never be a wishful-thinking substitute for getting highly specific understandings written down. But if your co-parent wants an extra day so that the kids can see some relative who could not make it to the reunion with everybody else, be flexible.

QUESTION: You always give us both learned and very practical, everyday advise. If you have questions about any of the numerous perplexing issues in family law, call Bud at (619)448-6500 or access his web site directly at www.familylawsandiego.com or through the link at the FOX 6 web site.

Bud, thank you, again.